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i · wanna · hold · your · hand..
take another little piece of my heart now, baby..
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i officially hate having crushes. they crush. and majorly fuck with your entire being. |
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so basically here I am to rant again. except i dont want to get into great detail just because i finally got it off my mind. But uhh basically im wondeirng why the holidays leave me depressed? like christmas was amazing, but now..just like the way im living leaves me feeling like complete crap. The tiniest things upset me...and I just wake up feeling like i hate everything...when really im just insane, because everything isnt bad AT ALL! lame i know, but im going to go google some things to fix SAD...haha seasonal affective disorder...its gotta be what i have.
plus, i feel like i cant talk to anyone these days...i feel self absorbed when i talk about myself...even though i dont take about myself THAT much...i worry...maybe i can self absorbed but who would be willing to tell me? And so i cant talk to anyone about anything. i trust people, but its kinda like im not sure anyone would understand... i want someone to just be able to understand where im coming from/what im saying without me having to come right out and say it. like i dont want to spend a huge amount of time talking about myself because then i feel ignorant, instead i just want someone to be like "i know exactly what youmean..like this and this and this". haha no one psychic though.
this years had this continuous downward slope feeling..and really in truth, alot of good things have actually happened. but i have not been able to shake this feeling for so long. im just not happy..i miss that ecstatic feeling. |
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...the nicer version.This is going to be all those terrible things i refuse to say to people, because basically thats what most people have done with this. I'm going to make this a bit more just general things i want to say to people..not even nessicarily i want to say but can't. 1. you're are SO ignorant. I'm sorry but when you've known someone two years, talk to them ONLINE where their name is CLEARLY displayed right before your eyes and you still spell it wrong, that is just plan rude. Yes, i know its just a tiny mistake "aLLison" but when its repeated OVER and OVER again, it's no longer a simple mistake. My name is my title; the one thing everyone knows me as; the FIRST thing you learn about me. And so I find it offensive that you haven't even given me enough respect and consideration to get it right. I might be snapping on this the most because i don't like a couple other things about you. I don't understand why everyone loves you. I think that they're probably like me and really can't stand you but won't say it, but then another part of me knows that they love you. You're full of yourself; you think you're the absolute shit. I'm sorry but you take it too far. You think all the guys want you, but the truth is you're just a fucking tease. You THROW yourself at them, and I know you take it too far when you start to go for the ones that your FRIENDS are interested in. Yes you're pretty but friends should matter more than your fucking looks. You aren't going to succeed the way they all say you will unless you're snapped back to reality and realise that you can't treat people like this. You know that you have a problem when you live three hours away from people and they still are affected by your arrogance. Wow, that was long...i guess that's been pent up for awhile. 2. uhhh...i mostly just had to get that out. Haha. well I guess i might finish this another time when I find more things to say...haha. |
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I AM: tired, bored, but still not wanting to sleep. I WANT: to run away, get away, not feel any of this I HAVE: skin on my forehead breaking out I WISH: school would fuck off and die I HATE: that his actions reflect/tell me nothing I MISS: being happy, having that feeling..even momentarily of being ecstatic
I FEAR: falling apart
I HEAR: the tv on
I SEARCH: for something really good to finally happen
I WONDER: why things just wont go my way
I REGRET: not taking opportunities when they were more so there
I ACHE: in my back
I ALWAYS: wait for weekends and then they disappear so fast I AM NOT: happy right now..since a long time
I DANCE: whenever i feel like it
I SING: in the shower and when im alone at the top of my lungs
I CRY: when im frustrated/stressed/upset/confused
I WRITE: in my journal not often enough and not sure whats stopping me
I LOSE: my mind waaaay too often
I CONFUSE: myself
I NEED: to try to find something to improve things?
I SHOULD: go to bed DO YOU's/HAVE YOU's:
You keep a diary: yeah
You have a secret journal: not really secret. but yeah
You set your watch a few minutes ahead: nope
You bite your fingernails: sometimes, rarely
Take a shower everyday: pretty much
Have a(any) crush(es): yes, unfortunately
Think you know you've been in love: nope
Been hurt: yes
Want to get married: yeah
Have any tattoos/where?: not yet
Piercing/where?: ears and cartilage
Think you're a health freak: sometimes...not as often anymore as i should be
Get along with your parents: yeah Favorite...
NUMBER: 14
COLOR: blue
DAY: friday, thursday, sunday sorta
MONTH: february, november, july, january?
SONG: cant pick just one
FOOD: dunno
SPORT: kickboxing
DRINK: diet pepsi
VEGGIE: green pepper/brocoli, etc
FRUIT: apples, strawberries, bananas
FAST FOOD: wendys In the last 24 hours have you:
CRIED? almost...the tears starting coming but then i had to get dressed quickly and go out so i kinda brushed them away and rushed out
HELPED SOMEONE? uhh maybe, im not sure. i think so
BOUGHT SOMETHING? jeans, cd and gift certificate
GOTTEN SICK? nope, i wish, i want a sick day
GONE TO THE MOVIES? nope
GONE OUT FOR DINNER? nope
SAID "I LOVE YOU"? yeah, to my dad before he went to bed
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER? sorta, tay and i were writing on paper sorta letters
MISSED SOMEONE? yes
HUGGED SOMEONE? yyeah i think so
FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS? nope, well sorta
FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND? nope would you ever...
1. Eat a bug? nah
2. Bungee jump? no
3. Hang glide? maybe
4. would you cheat on your bf/gf? maybe, haha, no...well..no.
5. Have sex with someone you don't love? yeah
6. Kiss someone of the same sex? sure? rather guys...but if it was like a dare or something sure..i wouldnt be like AHHHHH NO WAY!
7. Parachute from a plane? no way
8. Walk on hot coals? maybe, depends
9. Go out with someone for his or her looks? no
10. For their reputation? no
11. Be a vegetarian? i'd try
12. Wear plaid with stripes? maybe? not while trying to look good?
13. IM a stranger? sure
14. Sing karaoke? i used to hate it, i think it might be okay now
15. Get drunk? yeah
16. Shoplift? nah, no need
17. Run a red light? no! scary!
18. Dye your hair blue? maybe...nah
19. Be on Survivor? yeah, thatd be cool
20. Wear makeup in public? yeah
21. NOT wear makeup in public? yeah, no biggie
22. Make someone cry? not intentionallY!
23. Kick a baby? eww creepy! NO!
24. Date someone more than ten years older than you? naaah, alittle too creepy
25. Stay up all through the night? yeah, not fun the next day though Have you:
1.Fallen for your best friend? we were close friends, but i wouldnt call him my BEST friend
2.made out with a friend? haha we were just friends at the time, but we'd previously been more
3.been rejected? ohh yeah, im familiar with that
4.been in love? nope
5.used someone? yeah probably
6.been used? yeah
7.been cool? ohhh yeah
8.done something you regret? yeah but more often not done somethig and regretted that who was the last person...
9.you touched? my dad?
10.you talked to? my dad
11.you hugged? my dad
12.you IMed? rhiannon
13.you kissed? owen? ew
14.you had sex with? no one
15.you yelled at? my mom a little...wouldnt really call it yelling..that sounds so like abusive...more like got angry about something else and vented to her LOUDLY
16.you laughed with? my parents and taylor
17.who broke your heart? dont know if he was capable of BREAKING my whole heart or anything...but last one to like 'romantically' hurt me...owen..stupid moron
18.who told you they loved you? my dad Do you...
19. color your hair? not anymore, learned from that. still kinda dream of being a brunette
20.have tattoos? not yet
21.have piercings? ears and cartilage
22.have a boyfriend/girlfriend? i wish
23.own a webcam? nope
24.own a thong?: yeah
25.ever get off the computer? not too often, but eventually Have you/do you/are you...
26. stolen anything? not from a store...my sister...maybe
27. schizophrenic? not really...yes..shut up...make me...i will!....LAAAAAAAAME!
28. are you obessive? somethings i am...somethings im really obsessive over (i.e. grades, etc) somethings im not obsessive about at all
29. panic? sometimes...not as often anymore questions...
30. if you could be anywhere right now, where would you be? in bed sleeping
31. what facial feature do you like most about your boyfriend/girlfriend? if i had one i'd hope tolike his smile and his eyes
32. would you vote for a woman president? yeah
33. would you marry for money? nooo
34. Have you had braces? nope
35. do you pluck your eyebrows? yeah
36. do you like mustaches?as long as they're not pubic hair mustaches...(AHH my crush is developing one of those..kinda gross..:S)
37. when did you last have a hickey? never..
38. By who? no one
39. who do you want to kiss? a bunch of guys
40. If you could get stuck with anyone in a closet who would it be? oh maaaan...you know..oh baby, thatd rock |
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rachael just got all pissy at me because she passed me in the hall today, i didnt see her and she tried to ask me something but god forbid i was talking to someone else at the time and before i could be like "hey, sorry im done talking now, what did you want to say?" she stormed off. people jumping to conclusions is not my problem..im sick of getting the blame for people assuming im angry or im ignoring someone or other people are more important. when im with ONE person im going to give thme my attention! if someone else is going to pass by and try to grab my attention they have to not take it personally if im distracted by someone else and i dont give them my attention right away. and if i dont see someone or realise they need to say something to me, im obviously not going to be able to notify them of waiting a moment. I AM NOT A SUPER OBSERVANT PERSON...NOT EVEN THAT, I GET DISTRACTED VERY EASILY! I swear to fucking god i have ADD because i get distracted and am completely oblivious at times!
I AM NOT A FUCKING MEAN PERSON! I do not ignore people intentionally...EVER! I wont ignore certain people when im with other people..IF SOMEONE IS MY FUCKING FRIEND IM NOT GOING TO BE FUCKING EMBARRASSED OF THEM..IM NOT GOING TO IGNORE THEM ON PURPOSE! I CANNOT GIVE EVERYONE MY COMPLETE AND ABSOLUTE ATTENTION ALL AT ONCE. Im not saying a bunch of people always want my attention...but I like being close with people...therefore when im with ONE person..i like to give them all my attention so we can connect better or something..just give them ALL my attention so they know i think they're worth my whole attention..if someone else comes along, im going to keep giving the first person my attention....but at the same time its difficult because when someone else comes along, i TRY to give them attention as well..but its hard..i dont want the other person to think im completely disregarding that i was there with them first.
FUCK IM SORRY TO EVERY FUCKING PERSON THAT I DONT MAKE FEEL IMPORTANT 24/7! SOMETIMES I THINK ABOUT MYSELF AND OTHER THINGS...I NEVER TRY TO MAKE PEOPLE FEEL ANY LESS IMPORnTANT TO ME, I NEVER TRY TO MAKE PEOPLE FEEL INFERIOR! I DO NOT TRY TO BE MEAN...IM SORRY...FUCK i dont know what i could do! I dont know WHAT to do. im sick of being bitched at for things i dont even know i am doing. fuck...i want to just give up.. |
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i'm kinda of in one of those moods (like i have been for the past like three weeks..) where i dont want to have anything to do with anyone..so i try as hard as possible to segregate myself from people sometimes...but that only leads me to screwing things up. gah...but i want to be with some people sometimes..but...gah i dont know what to do. I want to get into bed and just stay there forever. Im so self absorbed right now...but i feel like such total crap that i am completely oblivious to everything...its TERRIBLE...i dont know how to change things... I AM: tired!
I WANT: run away
I HAVE: wet hair
I WISH: school would give me a break
I HATE: men I MISS: being happy
I FEAR: things getting worse
I HEAR: the tv on
I SEARCH: for something good to happen
I WONDER: when something good will finally happen
I REGRET: not doing something about my shittacular mood
I ACHE: everywhere
I ALWAYS: (CONTINUE LATER...THESE ARE SOMEONE ELSES ANSWERS!!! I WILL FILL MINE IN NEXT TIME IM ON!) I AM NOT: excited about life right now.
I DANCE: 24/7
I SING: everyday.
I CRY: when i'm stressed
I WRITE: dumb surveys :)
I LOSE: the most random things
I CONFUSE: myself.
I NEED: to shut you up.
I SHOULD: write my APS homework... DO YOU's/HAVE YOU's:
You keep a diary: i used to...
You have a secret journal: its not really a secret... its livejournal.
You set your watch a few minutes ahead: my alarm clock...
You bite your fingernails: when they need to be shaped.
Take a shower everyday: mais oui
Have a(any) crush(es): no
Think you know you've been in love: maybe...?
Been hurt: yesyesyes
Want to get married: yes!
Have any tattoos/where?: nopee
Piercing/where?: ears? i want to get my nose pierced, though.
Think you're a health freak: lmaolmaolmao...uhh no.
Get along with your parents: yes Favorite...
NUMBER: 16
COLOR: purple, red
DAY: friday
MONTH: may
SONG: sexyback-JT yeaaaaaayea
FOOD: pasta
SPORT: dance.
DRINK: green apple soda ♥
VEGGIE: peas
FRUIT: all of them :)
FAST FOOD: macdonald's In the last 24 hours have you:
CRIED? no
HELPED SOMEONE? yes :)
BOUGHT SOMETHING? green slushie
GOTTEN SICK? gotten sick? no. been sick? yes.
GONE TO THE MOVIES? nope
GONE OUT FOR DINNER? no
SAID "I LOVE YOU"? yeah
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER? nope
MISSED SOMEONE? yes.
HUGGED SOMEONE? yep
FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS? no
FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND? ish...not really. would you ever...
1. Eat a bug? maybe...
2. Bungee jump? maybe.
3. Hang glide? YESSS
4. would you cheat on your bf/gf? no
5. Have sex with someone you don't love? no
6. Kiss someone of the same sex? depends...
7. Parachute from a plane? i dont know!!!
8. Walk on hot coals? sure
9. Go out with someone for his or her looks? yep.
10. For their reputation? no
11. Be a vegetarian? ic ould never do it.
12. Wear plaid with stripes? yes?
13. IM a stranger? sure
14. Sing karaoke? YESYESYES
15. Get drunk? sure
16. Shoplift? no!
17. Run a red light? no
18. Dye your hair blue? sure! why not?
19. Be on Survivor? no. i couldnt do it.
20. Wear makeup in public? yes
21. NOT wear makeup in public? yep
22. Make someone cry? yes :(
23. Kick a baby? WTF nooo.
24. Date someone more than ten years older than you? eww
25. Stay up all through the night? yesyess Have you:
1.Fallen for your best friend?nopenopenope
2.made out with a friend? nope
3.been rejected? yes
4.been in love? maybe..probably not
5.used someone? yes
6.been used? yes
7.been cool? YES. grade six was a GOOD year.
8.done something you regret? nope. who was the last person...
9.you touched? my mom?
10.you talked to? my dad.
11.you hugged? my mom
12.you IMed? eric shelsonn
13.you kissed? kissed on the cheek? my mom. KISSED KISSED? jordan
14.you had sex with? uhhh no one
15.you yelled at? my sister
16.you laughed with? kaya
17.who broke your heart? he knows who he is...asshole
18.who told you they loved you? my mom :) Do you...
19. color your hair? nope
20.have tattoos? no :(
21.have piercings? ears?
22.have a boyfriend/girlfriend? nonono
23.own a webcam? nope
24.own a thong?: yes?
25.ever get off the computer? rarely Have you/do you/are you...
26. stolen anything? nope
27. schizophrenic? no
28. are you obessive? yes yes yessss
29. panic? only when i'm at the disco (lmaolmao anisa) questions...
30. if you could be anywhere right now, where would you be? CUBA
31. what facial feature do you like most about your boyfriend/girlfriend?
NOTHING
32. would you vote for a woman president? yes
33. would you marry for money? lmaooo, sure why not?
34. Have you had braces? yes :(
35. do you pluck your eyebrows? yee
36. do you like mustaches?lmaolmao no thanks
37. when did you last have a hickey? NEVERRR (thank god)
38. By who? ...
39. who do you want to kiss? no one.
40. If you could get stuck with anyone in a closet who would it be? JAMIE MCKNIGHT OMGGGGGGG WHAT A HOTTIE. REPOST AS Get to know _______ |
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i actually think i may be depressed...im so confused beyond belief also. i dont know how i feel about anything. i cant deal. i dont know how. i cant open up, i feel selfish..i'm stuck? |
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okay so its probalby not great to livejournal when youre drunk but here goes. i feel so overwhelemd right now. i want to cry and i really dont know why. everythings fine...when i try to think of something that should be bugging me..i cant really think of anything. of course im nervous for school and i want to meet a great guy more than anything but still things are going pretty good. but i dfefinitely could use a boost. i hate sounding low on myself but it just comes out when im drunk. normally im fairly good...but theres still that section of me that has doubt in myself...poart of me that comes out when things arent the best with me....like now. things are good but im just not as good and confident as i normally am. i feel so undesired right now. and i just want back what i had with owen...tongiht my old guy friend had his arm around me...and thats all i want....that one night with owen..i had just that...and i had all i wanted then...and i was on top of the world...how do that work? i dont ask for much, and yet it still isnt' fulfilled.
i dpont know, i cant even think straight righ tnow. im so overwhelmed by life. its passing so quickly and eveyrhting just seems so difficult to handle. as much as im dreading schoool i want to be back and settled in...i want to feel stable with life. this will pass...i know it |
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why have i felt so depressed the last little while...actually no..its like constant mood swings...but mostly depressed feelings. i jsut feel like everything is not going my way..but then when i think about that or say that i know its not true...i just..im so confused.i think going to go get alot of sleep... |
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I have to say this is one of the strangest moods i've been in a long time. Sure i've had times in the past 6 months or so when i've felt just plain crappy and depressed..but right now, I just can't seem to shake it. It's almost as though my new way of life is "depressed". If it weren't for my painting job which entails me waking up at 7am each morning and rushing to get to my aunt & uncle's, i probably would just lie in bed trying desperately to go back to sleep; in hopes that maybe when I wake up again I'd feel a bit better. I feel like I'm continuously in a dream state. Nothing feels real. When I start to think, i begin to assess everything in my life, at this point or in the future. It's like suddenly I have all this space and time to fill, and instead of doing something productive, my mind has decided to fill it with thoughts that I haven't had time for before now. I often pick up the phone to call someone, in hopes of saving myself from thinking, distracting myself and reassuring myself that there are people who want to talk to me. I almost don't want to go away. I'm so nervous, and although I know this is a normal feeling before camp, i'm still scared. It's something I love so much, and I fear that it won't live up to my expectations. Last summer was amazing. Plus, two weeks seems like a really long time. I don't know...I just can't get rid of this feeling...it's like a constantly just want to cry..ha, and I often do. I feel so weak...
Current Music: |
Calendar Girl - Stars | |
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It's an odd thing to feel as though you have a billion and one feelings going through your mind but they just keep getting pushed out of sight. It's also hard because i feel like i've just been going non-stop like an energizer bunny, and now my life has come to a halt and it's having a domino affect. You know, you stack them all up (feelings/thoughts/emotions) and then when you're done, and you stop stacking, they get knocking down, piling upontop of you. Theres plenty of people i feel like i could talk to, but then part of my feelings comes into play. The part that feels like i've been so secluded from them all week and stuff, that no one has really noticed my disappearance. i feel as though i've kinda become insignificant..who needs alison!? and also, one person who i feel like could really understand and stuff, is just a complete asshole. My feeling about this person change like the fucking weather. sometimes i'm like screw him...find someone else...other times i feel ridiculous because i care about him so much..and then sometimes i completely forget about him..feel like i've moved on..and THATS when he comes and he talks to me, and tells me all this personal stuff and we have these deep conversations about things where we both really understand each other. fuck, and then the timeswhen i think h'es interested in someone else or something, it drives me nuts. Really, he doesn't have to like me, i'm used to it, but when I think he likes someone else. Gah, i can't even sort all the other things going through my head. And part of me won't even let myself get into them. I'm not ready to think things through and feel all these things. I don't want to break down, because I don't know what to do to pick up the pieces or anything... slowly i break down bit by bit...every little while, then i stop myself before i get too carried away. i guess eventually it'll all just come out and i wnt be able to calm down for a good hour or so...im not looking forward to that. maybe i can just keep holding it back and it'll disappear?!
Current Music: |
look after you - the fray | |
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okay so i dont want to seem really selfish and needy but..i just don't feel happy at all right now..and i don't really know what to do. Not only is it hard to explain this to friend or something in person because i can't get it out right or make sense of it in words, but my private journal just doesn't even feel adequate. I probably will end up writing it all down sometime tonight but its just there are so many things to get down and my thoughts jump so fast that i can't write that fast..gah I need to find some other way maybe to get it out. but then again, i also really like writing because then its all out of my mind for a bit and i always feel better afterwards. I feel really irritable right now too. I walked in the house today after school and my mom hardly said anything to me and i had the urge to snap at her..i don't know why. Not to mention the random people who today i just didn't want to talk to at all because for some reason they bugged me. Also, I just feel completely lacking of energy. i dont want to work out tonight, i dont want to do any work. I hate it because i should be working out and stuff because i actually gained like 5 pounds this weekend. I was SO incredibly happy when i was down to my goal weight and now i just keep going up. I think it might be because i keep using food as comfort. I have crazy cravings. But then the more i eat and feed those cravings, the uglier i feel and the more i want to comfort myself with food. I should find another way of comforting myself, but the only other thing that i can think of, just isn't happening. I want it to work out, i want to feel good in the relationship but I don't know how to make things get better. And i can't try to advance things because i feel so hideous and unwanted. Yeah, as much as i hate the headaches that come with it, i really want it to rain right now.
Current Mood: |
 crappy | |
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noooo not school tomorrow! glaaaaaah! |
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why does something that is making me so happy have to also make me stressed?! i feel like i'm really starting to like him..but at the same time i dont know how much i like the sound of that because I am so terrified. last relationship i was in (Two years ago!) didn't end too well and pretty much i was told i fucked up the whole thing and i was too high maintenance...I dont want to be like that! I don't want to mess up this one too! I don't know how to act. I try to help things and be honest about stuff..and then i just feel like i'm screwing things up. then i have trouble with things in public because there is SO MUCH PRESSURE! I feel like my every move is being watched and judge. People are constantly talking about couples...but i can't take being talked about..it drives me nuts...because i take it all completely to heart when really most of these people are making their judgements on merely one side of the story (the side they see.) i don't know what to do. I wanted a relationship where i felt like i could talk to someone about this sort of stuff and whatnot, but i can't because all i keep thinking about is how that last guy would react and feeling like thats exactly how its going to be this time. even if he were to say he understood and wanted to listen, i still would have this aching feeling deep down that it was driving him nuts. I guess i might just never find anyone who I can truly talk to. it's so hard these days when i talk about things with some people and then i just know they're bound to discuss it with someone else. of course there are a few people who arent like this...but still. gaah, i must have some serious trust issues...maybe thats why i completely stopped sharing things for awhile back at the beginningof this year. maybe i should juust go back to that. |
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| Your Candy Heart Says "Hug Me" | 
A total sweetheart, you always have a lot of love to give out.
Your heart is open to where ever love takes you!
Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a surprise romantic evening that you've planned out
Your flirting style: lots of listening and talking
What turns you off: fighting and conflict
Why you're hot: you're fearless about falling in love |
wow is that actually me?! (haha first couple of these i did...i couldnt find my results becuse its like at the bottom of the page..so i had to refresh it a couple times. lol, oh man im slow.) | People Envy Your Compassion | 
You have a kind heart and an unusual empathy for all living creatures. You tend to absorb others' happiness and pain.
People envy your compassion, and more importantly, the connections it helps you build. And compassionate as you are, you feel for them. |
i dont know about that... | You Are a Dreaming Soul | 
Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world
So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time
You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all...
But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult
You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.
Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.
Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others.
Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.
Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul |
hmmm.. | Your Mood Ring is Blue-Green | 
Inner emotions charged
Yet, somewhat relaxed |
| You Are Lightning | 
Beautiful yet dangerous
People will stop and watch you when you appear
Even though you're capable of random violence
You are best known for: your power
Your dominant state: performing |
wow..frightening.. | What Your Sleeping Position Says |
You are calm and rational.
You are also giving and kind - a great friend.
You are easy going and trusting.
However, you are too sensible to fall for mind games. |
| You Are a Chocolate Chip Cookie | 
Traditional and conservative, most people find you comforting.
You're friendly and easy to get to know. This makes you very popular - without even trying! |
damn i wanted something exciting with frosting! | Your True Love Is a Cancer | 
Why you'll love a Cancer:
Cancer's loyal and sincere heart makes your own sensitive heart melt.
Caring and devoted, a Cancer will take the lead in pursuing you - and not give up!
Why a Cancer will love you:
You're laid back enough to deal with Cancer's little mood swings and freak-outs.
A fellow homebody, you know how make Cancer comfortable and at home with you. |
hmm..when is cancer from till..and who is a cancer?! |
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alright so for a monday..i have to say today was pretty damn good. but of course I am hesitant to say that or analyze any of the things that happened just because then I might jinx it and well knowing my luck i probably would. i think mr. maa actually made me really happy today...like he may have been complimenting me beause he felt like i needed a confidence boost, but then again i dont know about that..because i think he knows i dont really want/need it. but i dont know..its just nice ot know that im not a total english failure after my last essay and stuff. plus, for awhile i was beginning to think i couldnt get anything deep or remotely original and yeah i dunno..it was just kinda nice. and i dunno, people were being nice to me today..it made me feel kinda wanted for once in a bit. i love all my friends so much. one thing i feel like i could have gone without today were mr. ma's comments about me liking a certain someone. like i wouldnt really care if he like teased us about like us liking each other (gezz i wouldnt mind that at all) but when its just me it just makes me look like this pathetic little girl who writes stories about a guy shes crazy about...when i totally am not like that. eww how creepy would that be...well only if i were writing about him and then he was hearing them and it was completely obvious...im not saying that my story dont have any sort of connection to guys i like/liked. anyways....it just is kinda weird because i cant tell how he reacts to these comments...like for all i know he could be throwing up in his mouth every time. gaaaah. hmmm i also had a good time hanging out with rachael and shannon after school and we might hang out with people from saturday this friday..it is exxxxxciting! they were so much fun on saturday. oh the confusion of grade ten. baaah.
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 happy |
Current Music: |
Beautiful - James Blunt | |
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know what? I'm sick and tired. you know that?! I am so tired of people who think just because they're pissed off that it gives them permission to be complete bitches to others! Anyone who tries to approach them..or even help them, they're just rude to. and you know what?! I dont think its nice or fair at all! Just because you feel bad doesnt mean that you should make others feel bad. know, people feel bad, but at least be kind to those around you who are not trying to make things worse for you, because they are in fact probably trying to be there for you.At least be kind and say "im not in a good mood, i dont want to accidentally freak on you, i just need to be alone". Other people are in bad moods! Other people have problems! HOLY FUCK! I have plenty of things going on right now, and on top of it i have to deal with everyones SHIT! I dont even want to get into half of it..because i did last night and i completely broke down... i wish so much i could have someone to talk to..but everyones really busy with their stuff now..which is totally understandable because alot is going on for people right now. i dont bother saying anything to most people because i just dont see the point of trying to discuss my problems when they have enough on their minds. I actually feel like i cant take everything right now. but i dont know what to do..
Current Mood: |
 aggravated | |
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well uhh nothing new and exciting to say...but i felt like i had to update because it's been awhile. uhh o things seem to be getting better *knock on wood* but uhhh not looking forward to valentines day. or having to finish my essay soon. ah shit..i dont think im going to have it done tomorrow. i dont know..i think im going to work on it right now instead of wasting my time with whatever random thing distracts me. ahh i feel sick.
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 blank |
Current Music: |
none...so sad..only when you ask. | |
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okay so these things are weird, random, strange...but i was having fun! ta da! eww i want a better hottie!! and band! is my name THAT emo sounding musically!? i like the first and last ones though...last one ALOT. ahh romeo and juliet! do you think that sounds like me?! wow, as much as he is totally not my type...i don't think i'd want to bang him 221 times. hes really not very attractive. hmm somehow didn't expect usher to like pasta with pesto..thought it'd be someone like classy and charmingly manly. wow, im one rich mothafucka. ahh sad..no good qualities. AHH im getting married when im 21!! teehehehe...if only these things were based on truth. jennifer blowpez...lmao! oh joy, my future looks promising! these things are starting to scare me! hmmm interesting.. ohhh dear. muahahaha I was always fond of the name Ted...no wonder! who says "what-the-hell-ever"??!! oh dear lord...no way in hell. And also..not married till im 85?!?! hmmm i can see myself saying that. sweet! lots of people will be there! SO random! aww so cute! wish it were true. teehehee gezzz!! too bad these comments aren't coming from a real person! ohhh dear. that sucks =P ahhh no way! hmm i dont know about that... hmmm interesting.. |
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frozen_xo's journal
